[IMG]https://i51.tinypic.com/2liiuz8.gif[/IMG][background=https://i52.tinypic.com/2mqq36f.jpg][center][b][color=white]Here's that story. I was reviewing it with some friends and one suggested I mark red the parts that bothered me the most.
I felt tempted to make the whole thing red XD

[HIDE=~.~True Hero[color=red](highlighted)[/color]~.~]Kiki held on tight and looked over Dragonite's shoulder. Endless blue stretched ahead of her, the vast ocean, it's waves rolling lazily. It was calm, and no breeze was blowing. [i]Storm coming..[/i] ,she thought.

She'd seen many pokémon, but then that wasn't uncommon. A few Lapras nearer to shore, an occasional Gyrados and many smaller ones. She hardly payed them any mind. She was too busy planning out what she would do once she reached her destination, Lavender Mountains. That was the only place in her list she hadn't hit, and with the exception of Salamence, she and Dragonite were the most excited. There were many myths and legends surrounding the foggy,secluded, yet beautiful peaks, and team Dragon Rage wasted no time getting to a place like that.

Suddenly she heard a soft [i]Hrr..[/i] from Dragonite.
The mountains no longer looked like purple blots on the horizon, ad now loomed over them, foreboding and captivating all at once.
"What is it?,"she asked softly, her hand on his neck.
Dragonite slowly lost altitude, and she looked down. A small orange figure became visible holding on to a piece of driftwood.
"A Charmander.."

The poor thing was holding it's tail up high and looked frightened.
"Chaarr!" it called out when it heard the soft rhythmic murmur of Dragonite's wings. Help was on the way, and just in time. It was caught in a current and heading steadily towards a rocky outcrop.

The seas were never calm for long. In fact if they were,it was usually a bad omen. Kiki had known the storm would come, but later on she would wish all her heart that it hadn't broken loose just then. The thunder clouds that had been rolling in suddenly exploded, everything flashed white for what could have been the longest second in her life, a loud crack was heard along with some shuffling.

When things had settled enough Kiki was disturbed by both what she saw, and what she didn't see. The rocks had crumbled, half a piece of driftwood vanished under the waves, and the Charmander was gone.

Flying as fast as he could Dragonite deposited Kiki on the rocks before diving into the water. As the storm raged and roared all around her Kiki anxiously watched the ripples of water that marked where Dragonite had been dissapeared. As a precaution she called out her Salamence, Mizuno, who shielded her with his wings. He too was watching and fidgeting, fearful for both his friend and the Charmander and frustrated to know he could do nothing but watch.

[color=red]Far below Dragonite frantically searched for Charmander. He caught a glimpse of orange,and he swam fast as he could in that direction, wishing he was faster.

The Charmander was winded and hardly conscious. Dragonite hardly reached it in time and even then it was too late. A boulder, and a dark mass of other debris, likely displaced by the storm, threatened to end the little Charmander right there and then. Dragonite shielded him with his body just in time, making a massive effort to stop the boulder from crushing them both.

Dragonite had a problem. If he let go they would both be crushed, but if he didn't the Charmander would have almost no hope of making it to the surface alone. His lungs felt like stones and he couldn't hold that position for much longer. With the last of his strength, he braced himself, closed his eyes, and putting all his good wishes into one movement, released the rocks and gave the Charmander a push...[/color]
Kiki was frantic by the time something finally surfaced, but it wasn't all she'd wished for. Charmander's head bobbed up and down as it fought to stay above water. Waves threatened to send him back to the dark depths, but Salamence was faster. Not about to let Dragonite's efforts go to waste, he had both Kiki and the Charmander safely above sea level in one swift movement.

Kiki made quick work of reviving the Charmander. It coughed up a satisfying amount of water and, thankfully, his breathing became regular and the fire in his tail burned brighter.
She then looked around hopefully for Dragonite.
"D-Dragonite?"
Nothing surfaced.
[center]********[/center]
[color=red]She later wrote:

[center][i]That day I lost a part of me,
and though the pain is beyond words a lesson I see.
One who preys on the misfortune of others for show,
is not a hero, but a lavish opportunist.
A true hero, he who is ready to risk his life for one he's never known.[/i][/center][/color][/HIDE]
EDIT: Meh, sorry for the double post I didn't notice. Fail -.-'
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